How to Handle Rejection
The first real story I ever pitched was to Details magazine. I called it "Things You Can't Look Cool Doing," and it covered various activities that no self-respecting person could pull off without looking like a doofus:
Waiting for a penny change
Carrying a cafeteria tray
Getting on a ski lift
Using an ear thermometer
It wasn't a very good story idea.
Even worse, it was utterly wrong for Details, which at the time was the bible of downtown NYC cool. One editor there thought it was so bad that he took the time to respond to me personally—rather than send a form letter.
"Dear Jon," it read. "At Details, we have retired the use of the word cool. Good luck placing your story with another publication."
The rejection stung. I was 23 and writing toy reviews for Child magazine. Lofty, grownup publications like Details and GQ were where I aspired to be.
I went through all the stages of rejection: defensiveness, anger, self-pity, and ultimately resignation. It took a while to get to acceptance. And I'm still working on it.
Rejection and writing go hand in hand. Show me a writer who hasn't been rejected, and I will show you a person who looks cool wearing a lobster bib.
But as Barbara DeMarco-Barrett, the host of the latest Write About Now podcast, says, "You can't be in the game without getting rejected."
Barbara has been writing and teaching for three decades. Her first book Pen On Fire: A Busy Woman's Guide to Igniting the Writer Within made the LA Times bestseller list. Recently, she edited an upcoming anthology called Palm Springs Noir, which includes her own creepy short story. Barbara was recognized with a Distinguished Instructor Award at UC-Irvine. She co-hosts the Writers on Writing podcast KUCI-FM, where she’s interviewed such authors as John Irving.
She says that while rejection is inevitable, that doesn't make it any less painful.
How to deal then?
"I tell students to just say, 'Thank you.' Don't defend your stuff. Just say thank you and think about it," she says.
And next time someone slams your work, remember that you're in good company.
In the 1850s, when Herman Melville submitted a little ditty he wrote called Moby Dick, numerous publishing houses sent him rejection slips.
One editor wrote, "Does it have to be a whale? While this is a rather delightful, if somewhat esoteric, plot device, we recommend an antagonist with a more popular visage among the younger readers. For instance, could not the Captain be struggling with a depravity towards young, perhaps voluptuous, maidens?"
Uncool.
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